Crack Pairings
by Koji Inari
Summary: Changed from before: Cloud and Axel run away together to try and live a better life, but things get screwed up. CloudXAxel, and many other crack pairings. I changed from a collection of drabbles to a whole story. Yaoi. New 1st chapter. citrus later
1. Chapter 1

-1**Rated: **M

**Warning: **Yaoi!

**Crack pairing #1: **AxelXCloud

**Music: **Tatu- Malchik Gei (Russian Version)

**A/N: **I have many reasons as to why I have not only **_not_** updated my other stories, but have also started yet another story. For your convenience, I have them listed in numerical order with bullets!

I had strep throat.

I chased that plot bunny that I called **Control is an Illusion **and finished it!

I had and still have tremendous writer's block.

I watched two young boys cuddling on the bus today and thought up the following story.

I am now taking a college creative writing class, so that means that I have more homework.

I had other reasons, but I can't remember them right now. Sorry…

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If you've ever been in the city at night, it's beautiful, and if you're lucky, you will find yourself in an empty city without much noise. Sure people often talk about what a shame it is that you can't see the stars for all of the pollution, but for a city boy, the neon lights of fast food restraints can blend to be a sight much more beautiful than the heavenly body above. One such city boy was currently strolling down the street, his spiked red hair reflecting the glowing neon signs above.

His clothes were a cross between modern-day gothic and gay. His long black trench coat was only fastened half-ways up his chest, revealing no shirt beneath. It was long enough to cover up his fairly-tight leather pants, but not long enough to hide the thick black boots the boy wore. Anyone who didn't know him would immediately suspect him a delinquent, the kind of rapscallion to pick on little kids, and even go so far as to steal candy from a baby. But to those who knew him, Axel was a fairly gentle soul who liked strange clothes and was obsessed with flames.

The red-head had a certain destination in mind, a sort of rendezvous if you will. He was to meet a friend of his at the subway, and if the suitcase in Axel's hand was any clue, he wasn't planning on coming back any time soon.

The subway was empty when the pyro-manic boy entered it. He bought his ticket from the empty machine and settled himself down to wait on one of the many empty benches the place offered for the comfort of it's customers.

'_Comfort my ass.'_ Axel thought as he lit up a cigarette. _'This place makes my tush hurt just thinking about it.' _A wisp of smoke rose from the burning cigarette to curl around his pierced nose and mesh into the air. Axel watched it lazily, not caring about the nicotine just yet, he was too absorbed in watching the smoke.

A few minutes turned into hours. Nearly a whole pack of cigarettes lay at Axel's feet, like so many little white corpses. A tendril of smoke rose from each of them. The redhead himself was asleep, having lost interest in the minor entertainment the smokes provided.

Needless to say, the redhead didn't notice as another person entered the empty subway.

This man was blonde, and only a few years older than Axel. His spiky gold hair shown with an unearthly radiance, like a sort of halo. This of course, was due to the florescent lighting in the subway, but it made for a shocking effect nonetheless. The blonde man, Cloud as he was known to his friends and enemies alike, strode toward the sleeping pyro, smiling as his thick boots crunched over the remains of Axel's entertainment.

"Wake up Axel, I'm here, sorry I'm late." The blonde said, kicking Axel's boots. When no reply was forthcoming he kicked harder, forcing the red-head awake.

"Cloud?" Axel asked, dazed from sleep. He rubbed his eyes tiredly and shook his head, trying to restore visibility. When he got to the point where vision was possible, he found himself looking into the eyes of an angel.

Cloud smiled lovingly at his boyfriend and cocked his head to the side, looking for all the world like a forlorn puppy. "What? No hug for your long-lost boyfriend?"

"Oh…right…" Axel hopped to his feet, smiling sheepishly at the older man. Without hesitation he threw his arms around the blonde, kissing him squarely on the mouth.

Cloud nearly jerked back in surprise. Axel's lips tasted of smoke, ashes, and tobacco, and he smelled like a chimney, but to Cloud, those smells and tastes were familiar and comforting. They were something he could live with if it meant being with the man he loved.

After a moment they pulled apart, Axel beaming happily at his boyfriend. "I missed you so much Cloud…I can't believe we're finally doing this ya know? I mean, we haven't seen each other in almost a year, and…and now you're back, and we can start all over again…just me and you."

Cloud felt his stomach clench as tears appeared in Axel's eyes. Though Cloud knew they were happy tears, he couldn't help but feel guilt for causing them. After all, if he hadn't left a year ago then they wouldn't be meeting like this again, and there wouldn't be any problems.

A sudden noise shifted the boys' attention to the subway tunnel. The noise grew in size until it was a thunderous din, heralding the subway train. The transportation vehicle came to a screeching halt, the sudden _whoosh_ of it's doors filling the air. Cloud smiled at his boyfriend and took his hand, leading him toward the train. "Ready for a new life?" He asked.

Axel huffed a fake laugh, "Of course I'm ready, I've wanted out of this hell-hole since I was born."

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The train was empty, as would be expected at this time of night, so Cloud and Axel were free to hold each other and kiss without receiving disgusted looks from other passengers. Because they were alone, they could sit in the calming quiet and just enjoy each others presence.

"Cloud…" Axel ventured as he picked at the strap to his long coat. "Where were you for so long? Why did you never write?"

Cloud evaded the question effectively by kissing his boyfriend tenderly. "Let's not think about that right now ok? I promise to tell you everything in time."

Axel knew he should be curious, especially since this was the man that he was going to spend the rest of his life with, but the calming atmosphere and the sweetness in Cloud's voice, he couldn't bring himself to question his love.

"Ok." he conceded as he laid his head against Cloud's broad chest. Cloud smiled at him, pulling him closer.

"I love you," the blonde cooed. He stroked Axel's spiky red hair affectionately before kissing him gently on his forehead. When Axel responded favorably by smiling at him, he continued kissing down his face before landing on his lips.

The kiss soon became heated and passionate. The boys soon found their positions switching from cuddling to making-out. Axel's back went from laying comfortably against Cloud's chest to being pressed into the cold plastic of the seat, Cloud's hot body on top of his. He had lost his coat somewhere in-between, and his emerald eyes spotted it on the floor not too far away.

Cloud's mouth distracted him again though as his and his lover's were pressed together in another heated, almost violent kiss. Cloud was a hard lover, (no pun intended) he was rough, but also unbelievably gentle. Axel loved him so much…

Axel's breath hitched when he suddenly felt Cloud's hand against his crotch. "No…Cloud…not here…" The red-head's jade eyes looked up at Cloud pleadingly. "Not yet…"

Cloud felt his pants grow a little tighter, but he let the younger boy have his way. "Fine…" The blonde growled, moving to let his boyfriend up. "But when we get to the hotel…" Axel shivered as Cloud's finger traced it's way down his bare chest and stomach, coming to a rest on his pants.

"I don't think so Cloud…I mean…I haven't seen you in a year you know? I think we need to get to know each other again…"

Cloud barked a laugh. "Know each other? Axel, if you didn't know me would you seriously come to live with me?"

"Yes…" Axel huffed. He turned away from Cloud, his bright eyes scanning the interior of the high-speed subway train they were on.

Cloud watched his red-haired lover for a while, unsure of how to respond to him. The boy had changed in the last year, it was a wonder Cloud could recognize him at all. His hair had grown out, and his sense of style had skyrocketed. Even the comforting smell of cigarettes smelled stronger. And his body…Axel hadn't been so muscular when Cloud had left him last.

Axel jumped when Cloud's arms snaked their way around his stomach suddenly. He could feel the older man's face burying into his back, the soft golden hair tickling his skin. "I'm sorry…I got ahead of myself." Cloud mumbled. "You're right, we need to get to know each other, and ourselves better…"

Axel stared down at the floor, smiling contentedly at the carpet there. "Thank you Cloud…I love you…"

"I love you too Axel."

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End of Chapter one, and I'm sure many people are about ready to kill me. I know, I haven't updated in like, forever, on any of my stories, and when I do come back, I'm writing another one. Well, if you want my excuses please read the A/N at the beginning. Thank you for reading and look forward to the next chapter! 

Reviews will save the lives of thousands of my brain cells. Please, if you wish me to keep coming up with my ingenious stories then please review, you may save countless lives, and ensure your future pleasure.


	2. Chapter 2

-1**Rated: **M

**Warning: **Yaoi!

**Crack pairing #2: **TidusXRoxas

**Music: **HIM- Wings of a Butterfly

**A/N: **I have decide to change this from a drabble collection to an actual story. I added to the first chapter so please go back and read that…I only added at the end.

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While a certain blonde angel and fire demon sped away to their new life, Axel's brother was throwing a fit at home, having just found the pyro's note.

"What the fuck does he think he's doing? Running away with some _guy??_ SINCE WHEN IS HE GAY? DAMMITT!" Tears streamed down the younger boy's face as he collapsed on the couch. No one was in the room to answer his inquiry, after all, he and Axel lived by themselves. Their mother had disappeared long ago, running off with some drug dealer. For all they knew, she was dead somewhere. But now Roxas…Roxas was left alone. Axel had abandoned him.

The note that Axel had left fluttered gently from the crying boy's hand to land on the dirty floor. It was just a piece of torn notebook paper with hurried, chicken scratch handwriting on it, but the words on that note hurt Roxas far worse than any gun could have.

_Roxy:_

_I'm sorry. I can't take living in this life anymore. I can't support you, let alone myself. You know the last thing I'd want to do is abandon you…But I have no choice. You remember Cloud? He's back, and…I'm in love with him. I know this sounds like mom all over again, but …I can't stay here anymore. I'm going to go live with him. I'll send you money to live off as soon as I can ok? Please, be a good boy. I'm really sorry Roxas…really…_

"LIAR!!" Roxas screamed, throwing a cracked vase at the dirty apartment wall. It shattered, and a piece of glass ricocheted off the wall, slicing open his arm. "SHIT! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU RUN AWAY YOU COWARD???" Roxas held his arm, squeezing the sliced skin shut. Blood and pain gushed out of it, but his blind rage numbed most of the effect of that. Violently he crushed his mouth against the cut, sucking away the blood and sinking his teeth into the flesh. Somehow this calmed him down, and his flaring anger died. Instead, it was replaced with despair.

"You left me…you ass you left me…" Roxas plopped back onto the dilapidated sofa and began to cry, ignoring the fresh blood coming from his cut. "Just like mom…you left me…"

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Tidus winced when he heard something shatter in the room next to his. He could hear Roxas yelling something unintelligible. The boy had been at it for nearly an hour now, cursing and yelling at something, breaking things, it was enough to drive Tidus nuts.

Grudgingly he got out of bed and scratched himself, heading toward the door in nothing but his boxers. He'd just go over, find out what was wrong with Roxas, hopefully help out in some way, and go back to bed. If he was lucky he'd get some sleep that night.

Tidus walked out into the hall and was about to knock on Roxas's door, when he noticed that the yelling had stopped. Curious, he placed his ear to the door. He could barely make out a few words, mixed in with choked sobs.

"Roxas? Axel?" Tidus knocked on the door, the sobbing stopped, but no one answered. "Hey guys it's Tidus, open up will ya? Roxas?" Yet again no one answered, so Tidus decided to try and peek through the keyhole.

That also proved to be hopeless. "Hey come on. I'm worried here…open up, I want to help."

There was a moment's silence, then Roxas removed the chain lock on the other side and cracked the door open. His face was red and flushed from crying, and there was blood dripping from his arm.

Alarmed, Tidus pushed in. "Roxas? What happened? Are you ok?" He glanced around nervously, looking for something, anything, that could have hurt Roxas, and looking for Axel. He saw nothing and no one.

Roxas shook his head, using his arm to wipe away his tears, all he ended up doing was smearing blood across his cheek. "He left! That bastard left!" Tidus stared at Roxas, confused.

"Left? Who left?"

"Axel! He ran away with his faggot boyfriend and that ass LEFT ME ALL ALONE!"

All Tidus could do was stare. "He left? Just like that?"

Roxas nodded, tears streaming down his face once again. The newly smeared blood began to mix with his tears, creating a disturbing effect. "He left me! And he promised he wouldn't! That fucking liar!!!!" Roxas stumbled forward, latching onto Tidus's arm. He wanted comfort, and Tidus was the only person around. Roxas wanted someone to hold him, hug him, and tell him it was alright. He wanted his brother back, to say it was a cruel joke. But deep down he knew that wouldn't happen, so he latched onto the only thing around him that could provide even a tiny amount of comfort.

Tidus just stared down at the teen, unsure of how to respond. Eventually he managed to pull the younger boy into a tight embrace. He felt Roxas shift against his skin and press his head into Tidus's chest. Tears and blood got everywhere, that cut of Roxas's was pretty deep, but neither boy really seemed to care at the moment. Tidus's heart was too busy racing from the contact, and Roxas was to busy trying to gain his little piece of comfort.

Eventually Tidus managed to pull the boy into his apartment, where he proceeded to bandage his cut.

"How'd you get this?" Tidus looked up at Roxas's eyes, but the younger blonde was not forthcoming with information. "Hey come on…I'm just trying to help…"

"Vase" Roxas mumbled. "I threw a vase, it cut me."

"Oh." Tidus responded. "Hold still…quit squirming."

"I can't help it…the medicine stuff burns, and it itches."

"I don't care, quit moving."

"Jerk."

Tidus looked up into Roxas's eyes. "I'm not a jerk, you just won't hold still."

"I'm not holding still because I don't want to. Maybe if we leave it like it is I'll bleed to death."

"I won't let that happen."

"Oh yeah? And how are you going to stop me?"

"Ya know what? I'm sick of this." The older boy glared at Roxas and pushed him down onto the bed. Before he could respond, Tidus was on him, pinning him down by sitting on his stomach and holding his arms out. "We'll just do this the hard way."

"Get off me you fucker!" Roxas tried to kick, but he found his movements surprisingly restricted. His legs couldn't reach Tidus's back, and his arms were trapped. Tidus was much bigger than him, so there was no way of just pushing him off. Roxas was, truly and honestly, stuck.

"You have a worse mouth than your brother, you know that? Now hold still." Tidus set about the task of trying to pin down the rambunctious teen and tend to his wound at the same time.

Thirty minutes later Roxas's arm was bandaged and he was glaring in Tidus's direction.

"You're welcome." Tidus grunted as he took his first-aid kit back to it's hiding spot on the closet floor. Roxas only continued to glare at him.

"Why are you trying to help me?" he asked suspiciously.

Tidus shrugged. "Why not? I know what it's like to live on my own, it isn't fun. Now stop trying to find an ulterior motive in my actions and go to sleep."

There was silence for a moment, then Roxas looked back over at Tidus. "Can I stay with you tonight?…"

Tidus smiled to himself and waved his arm to the bed. "Help yourself."

Roxas blushed, but accepted the offer by climbing into bed. Tidus climbed in soon after and laid down with his back to the younger boy. "Goodnight Roxas."

"Goodnight." Roxas murmured.

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Poor Roxas…oh well.

Well. I have one review…care to make it more? If you do, you will be showered with the favor of God….maybe…


	3. Chapter 3

-1Rating: M

Music: HYDE- Hello

**A/N**: Yep, I still have writer's block on my other stories, but surprisingly not on this one. I don't know, I guess I'm just weird. Sorry for the long wait!

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Morning heralded a new disappointment for a certain blonde. He woke up, not to the heat of his brother's warm body, but to the heat of another, cooler person. In fact, everything seemed to have cooled down. A glance out the window showed fog, or maybe smog, covering everything. You couldn't see a foot out the window, and all that dark was making everything so damn _cold._

'_Axel was never cold…'_ Roxas thought to himself. _'But he's gone isn't he? He left me…'_ Tears began to form at the edge of Roxas's eyes. They weren't angry tears, they were disappointed tears. Once again he had been abandoned…

Something next to the blonde moved, and Roxas yelped as a pair of arms suddenly wrapped around his small frame, pulling him against someone's chest. His heart started to pound, was this Axel? Had it all been a joke?

"Morning sleepyhead…" came Tidus's deep but comforting voice.

"T-Tidus?" Roxas yelped. It took a few moments for him to remember the events of the last night. "I…I…"

"You're in my room…calm down."

A quick glance to the arms covering his bare stomach made Roxas start to feel sick. When had he taken off his shirt? He couldn't remember…and…Tidus was hugging him…that wasn't right, it was too gay.

"Let go of me" Roxas finally growled.

"Why? If I let go you'll run away, probably after you're brother. I'm not going to let you."

"Why the hell not? Let go dammitt!!" The younger blonde pulled against the older's grip, but Tidus wouldn't let go. After a while of frantic struggling with no success, Roxas just gave up, letting the older boy pull him closer.

"Stop hugging me, it's gay."

"No, if I let go of you, you'll bolt." 

"So what? Why do you care so much? You're just my neighbor."

"Exactly, I'm a neighbor that cares, I'm not going to let you run off in a blind rage. Most likely you'll just get yourself killed."

"I can take care of myself!"

"You're 14 Roxas, if you could take care of yourself you wouldn't be so upset about Axel leaving."

Roxas calmed down at those words, though they should have angered him more. He could take care of himself…couldn't he? But Tidus made a good point. If he truly could take care of himself then he wouldn't miss Axel so bad. Hell he couldn't even get a regular job for another year at least. Without Axel, he could get taken away by child services, be thrown into foster homes that collected children for the money. He wouldn't be able to leave that hell for another 4 years, when he turned 18...

All at once Roxas felt the tears start to come down his face. This was screwed up. This was more than screwed up. He couldn't live on his own. He was 14 dammit!

"Shh….it's ok Roxas…I won't let anything happen to you…" Roxas felt light fingers brushing some of his spiky hair from his face, but it didn't make him feel any better, in fact, it made his stomach clench.

"Don't touch me." He growled warningly.

Tidus stopped, examining the boy in front of him. Maybe he was being to friendly…or maybe Roxas was just upset. "Roxas…"

"My brother may be gay Tidus, but I'm not, let go of me."

"And what makes you think I'm gay? Or that I'd be interested in a little boy like you? You're 14 Roxas, I'm 20."

"I'm not a little boy!"

"Yes you are, you're a stubborn little brat who can't face facts. The facts right now are that your brother is gone, and I'm trying to help you, yet you continue to hide like a little baby!"

"I'm not a baby!" Angrily Roxas jumped up, knocking Tidus down on the bed. The younger boy straddled him, and, before he could really think about his actions, kissed Tidus square on the lips.

Tidus's eyes widened, and he pushed Roxas off of him with a disgusted look on his face. "Dude what is wrong with you? I told you I'm not gay!"

Roxas stared at him with wide eyes. "But…but…you had your arms around me and…"

"Do you honestly think that means I wanted to kiss you? You're six years younger than me and the wrong gender! Damn…I can't believe you kissed me!"

"Well what did you expect me to think? I'm confused dammit! I want Axel back, and I want everything to go back to the way it was! I'm sick of this dammit! Dammit!! Dammit!!! Dammit!!!!"

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Somewhere miles north of the city, Axel and Cloud shared a rented car heading out on the highway. Axel had a cigarette in his mouth, and Cloud had both windows open to get rid of the smoke.

"Axel, can you please wait to smoke until we get out of the car? This thing is going to stink to high heaven…"

"So? You paid for it. We should be able to do with it what we like, besides, it's a nervous habit of mine…" The red-head let that sentence trail off as he watched the smoke drift out the open window. Trees rushed past his vision in a green and brown blur.

"Nervous habit? What are you nervous about?" Cloud asked as he turned the car off the main highway. "Nervous about living with me?"

"No.." Axel dropped his cigarette out the window and let out a long sigh. "I'm nervous about my little brother…"

"You have a little brother?" The blonde asked. "I didn't know that…"

"Yeah, I left him all alone when I came to live with you…"

"You what?!?" Cloud gave Axel a sharp look, but the red-head looked just as placid as he usually was. "Axel how could you leave him? Don't you have any conscience at all?"

The red-haired demon pulled out another cigarette from his pocket and lit it up. He puffed on it a few times, his eyes following the little clouds of smoke, before glancing out the window again. The scenery had changed now, from the lush green forest to the leftovers of a terrible fire. Dead trees stood mangled and twisted, their shattered corpses littering the landscape.

His thoughts drifted off some to those trees, they were destroyed beyond recognition after fueling a fire so much greater and more powerful than them. It hardly seemed fair, but it happened, a lot, and to more than just trees.

"No." he finally replied. "I think mine burned up in hell."

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Please R&R!!! If you don't….my cat will die…I swear…we don't want that to happen do we?…PLEASE REVIEW! I DON'T WANT TIGER TO DIE!!! -cries-


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